Cry Jesus

I've been crying Jesus a lot lately. First with our rental being sold and us needing to frantically find a house and move in 6 weeks. Jesus!  Next was when the sewer pipes collapsed 3 weeks after we moved in.  Jesus!  Being accused of wrongdoing with no option to defend myself. Lord Jesus I need you now! Marriage, family, bills, disappointment, frustration, fear.........In Jesus name!
Tonight one of my kids was hurting in such a way that I was unable to make it all better. I feel so helpless, I want to fix things, make it right, a do over....anything to take the pain away. Jesus!
I know lessons will be learned, it will all work out in the end, but it's hard to see the end when you are in the middle of the struggle. Jesus I need you!
Father in Heaven can I just crawl in your lap and you can make it all better?  Can you give my child the comfort and peace I am unable to give?  Jesus we need you!

Grief (written last spring after Grandpa N. passed away)

news
sickness
worry
fear
shock
desperation
plans made
plans thwarted
rejection
needing to say goodbye
not allowed
words sent
were they heard
news
gone
sadness
it's too much to bear
lashing out somehow feels right
wanting comfort
finding none
empty words
feeling lost
very lost
wanting normalcy
tears
cold
angry
lost.

The real world has peanut butter

I was making lunches for my girls (Kendra requested pb&j) this morning when I had a thought.  Why hasn't the school banned peanut butter with all the peanut allergies out there?  Then I started to think, the real world has peanut butter.  It has peanut butter and guns and drugs and war and violence and poverty and sickness and financial troubles and divorce and death........We live in an imperfect world and it stinks.  It hurts me to think about the loss of all those kids last month at the hand of a madman.  Madman?  What constitutes being a madman?  Do you have to commit murder to fall under that category or will lying on your taxes do?  Who decides which wrong is ok and which one isn't?  For that matter, who got to decide what was going to be right and what was going to be wrong.  Because if we came from some cosmic spark then what difference does it make?  Why worry about doing the "right thing"?  Who decided what the rules are and why do we have to follow them.  How come you get to eat a burger when your neighbor strongly feels that you are murdering a cow, isn't murder murder no matter who/what the victim is?  How come we get all upset when a human life is taken when that life is just the product of chance, ooze, explosion or whatever your reasoning may be.  What does it matter?  Tree, cow, whale, human....all just chance right?  Or, how about allowing for another possibility?  How about we give credit where credit is due?  How about we acknowledge that we have a Creator who made us to have empathy, concern, love......?  Is it so hard for us to consider the possibility that there is Someone who loves us and wants what is best for us.  If you have kids, don't you feel the same about them?  How silly would it be for your child to ignore you declaring he came from ooze and not from you?  About as silly as a painting saying to Monet "You DID NOT paint me.  I crawled up from the pond after millions of years of sitting in paint and now I am beautiful."  And don't we parents allow our kids wiggle room in life?  We allow them choices, show them there are consequences and teach them the right way to live.  Our Father, Creator, God has done the same for us.  He gave humans the choice to love Him or to reject Him.  He doesn't want love that isn't genuine, the same as we don't want our kids (or significant other) to love us because they have to.  We want love because it is genuine.  We have such strong feelings of hurt, anger and sadness when tragic things happen because we were created in the image of God and because that's how He feels when bad things happen.  He made us to love, live and give  Him credit.

Hey everyone!  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.  
That's all for now :)

Yep, I did it again.  I waited too long to write and forgot my password AGAIN.  If I could just have one password for everything then maybe I'd remember.  More brain exercises I guess.
Tobin has started feeling empathy, it's sad and cute at the same time.  He was watching Toy Story 2 and was so upset when Wheezy the penguin gets put in the box.  He cried and sobbed until I convinced him that Woody would rescue the penguin.  The next day at daycare he was listening to the story The Big Hungry Bear and the Red Ripe Strawberry.  His teacher said he cried and cried at the end when the bear didn't get any of the strawberry.  I hope he is always this concerned about people as he gets older.
TTFN

Does anyone else hate passwords?  I just spent a half hour trying to get into this blog.  I thought I remembered my password but it turns out I was wrong.  After jumping through 25 thousand hoops I FINALLY got to the "change my password" option, only to find out ALL the passwords that I would remember, I had already "used".  Grrrrr.  I probably won't remember this one which means I may take forever to write on the blog again. 

On a lighter note, Riley had a total God moment today!  She couldn't find her Valleyfair pass last night and was pretty upset.  She called me this morning to say she found it and how she found it.  She said she prayed before she went to sleep last night and then had a dream about where it was.  I LOOKED in the place where she said she found it and I tell you IT WASN'T THERE LAST NIGHT!  I sure love that God cares about us so much that even Valleyfair matters to Him! 

Well, life has proceeded faster than the fastest rollercoaster at Valleyfair.  Summer is over and school is upon us.  That means school supplies, early mornings, two middle schoolers (one will also become an official teenager), a toddler, clutter and no time for much of anything.  Wow!

After working a full day at work, coming home to make dinner, going back for a 2 1/2 hour staff meeting, coming home to do dishes and try to get my toddler back to bed, I'm ready for a glass of whine/wine and a good book.  Too bad I still have cupcakes to make and therefore more dishes to do before that can happen.  Oh well, one day I'll look back on these days with fondness.....right?

Good morning!  Today the sun is shining, my coffee is hot and the house is peaceful.  Soon the coffee will be gone, the children will wake and there will be no more peace....and that's ok.  I am blessed to have 3 healthy children, a husband with a job, a roof over my head and friends & family who love me.  Mostly I am thankful to my Lord and Savior Jesus whom I don't thank enough.
I've changed my blog title to "Tracy's Blue Corner" because "Coffee at Tracy's house at 2:00 on Saturday's" was too long of a title and "Tracy's Corner" was already taken.  Plus it works since we live on a corner and our house is blue.  Hopefully I don't lose any followers.  I wasn't sure how to do it right.
I don't have a plan for the blog so far.  I figured I'd wing it.  I feel like I ought to do another challenge or give great wisdom (ha!) but for now let's just fill up a cup of coffee and chat!  Here's to changes, sunny days and coffee!